I had an amazing night last night. I met a woman by the name of Joann who painted a real clear picture for me of my life. I went in to Blue Lotus http://www.bluelotustreasures.com/ to find more information on mind-body connection. My husband, who practices Tai Chi, had brought it to my awareness that I should deepen my own search for spiritual growth through exploring the connection of my mind to my body. Something beyond going to church on Sundays. It made sense seeing that although I want to work with people from a psychological point of view, understanding myself good and bad, head to toe, inside and out would help me to understand others. I thought he was talking more like Yoga, which doesn't stir anything in me, but I was willing to give it more research. Especially since I love to move and he's never been wrong when it comes to understanding me.
Since I've gotten married, even before that when we were dating, I've been all about this man. I love him so much. I believe in him, his dreams, his ideals and goals. I think he's dreamy. And he seems to just "get" me. But somewhere along the way, I forgot about believing in myself. I mean, I am pursuing this career goal so I'm putting pieces here and there to make it happen. But I've forgotten the one thing about me that motivates me though and through. I think I stopped believing in my first love... DANCE!
I love all dance. I've tried it all. Maybe not all formal classes but if I see it, then I try to do it. From country line dancing to Tango. My favorite dances are Salsa and Samba. I think I'm good. Most people think I am a dancer. They say "I don't know but you just look like one." I quickly say no as I've not performed professionally, I just like to dance. But as Joann said, just because its not what we do to make a living, what we've received eduction in, or doesn't give us social status doesn't mean it isn't who we are.
When I was little I used to want to drop out of school and become a "professional ballerina." That's what I would tell everyone who asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. But then the director of the ballet school told me I would never have the body for it. I let her words decide I could never be a dancer. "Black girls grow too much hip and bottom and breast." Boy, if she could only see me today. After two children and still no hips or breast. The bottom is there but it falls off it I don't eat a burger once in a while. I definitely grow thin if I'm stressed and that's what I've been for a long time. I love my family but I'm starting to notice what many others have noticed. I'll slit my wrists for my boys and bleed to death just to give them the life they want or need.
Well, that's not too wise so I've decided to take a dance class... Samba! If only you know how much I love to move. I used to work an office job where the vice president didn't want to give me the cost of living pay raise because she felt I didn't sit at my desk long enough. I quit a receptionist job because I couldn't get the concept of sitting behind a desk with a smile and answering phones for 8 hours. Ugh! Maybe that's why I end up working with children. They love to move and sing and dance. People think I drink coffee everyday to keep up with them but I don't. Sometimes I need an extra pick-me-up but that's usually because my toddler at home had a bad night and made sleeping hard to do. I do remember having sleepless nights once upon a time not long ago.
I used to love going to the only Brazilian club in town to dance til the very last song. I would get up and sing and dance to my oldest son who was the same age then. That was several years ago. They've closed their doors since. But this wonderful lady, Joann, told me that finding that spiritual connection mind to body doesn't have to mean that quiet Ohm. It is my special gift, my own language in which I express my gratitude for life, find my center, and send up praise. The best part... I can be as loud as I want. It makes perfect sense, doesn't it? I mean, in other countries, it is the way for people to show their love and reverence for God through their bodies. Why does understanding come so easy some days?
So Joann gave me the name and website of ZeZeh Zax who teaches Samba at MamaSita in Takoma, DC. I'm going to go and renew my life line. I'm going to go have a talk with God.
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